In short, your commitments will reflect what you pour resources into and what you give time to. But often that can get skewed. That’s why we stop to reassess and list what’s important. 

We only commit ourselves where we feel we make a difference. If your involvement doesn’t matter, you don’t commit. But when your actions undermine your made commitment, then it hurts someone.

One area overlooked is our commitment to ourselves.

“I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet”. Saadi Shirazi

Perspective truly changes everything. It’s that blindfolded-men-describing-an-elephant-thing. There’s always a bigger picture and our particular view is usually limited.

Not only that, our perspective changes with time. You may be living with a story you wish were different. One that has affected you for years. A story that’s maybe ongoing, continuing to affect you.

But you can, and in fact, you will change it. Although nothing can change what happened to you—your perspective of that event will change. In every retelling, a story changes. 

Did you know that today, January 17, is designated as Ditch New Year’s Resolutions Day? You’re in luck—today you can join 80% of the population who made New Years resolutions—and ditch yours!

According to a recent University of Scranton study, at least 80% of people won’t keep their New Year’s resolutions. In fact, almost half quit by the end of January.

What’s up with that? I think I know. I have an opinion on that.

Happy New Year, all. Well, we made it. We got through it. ’24 is in the books. So how do you feel? You survived, right?

I know just surviving may have been the main thing on your mind for most of 2024. Too many of our years are just that. Survival.

For the most part, I made it. I survived. But is that enough for the year ahead? Will I spend another year trying to keep my head above water? I think there are much greater things ahead for me than survival.

What about you? How much of the last year(s) have you spent in survival mode? More importantly, what will it take for you to thrive in ’25? What even does it mean to thrive, anyway?

This is an interesting time of year. It’s that moment when you realize another whole year has just passed. Another one. Dang.

Actually, every single day brings the close of another year, but we seldom stop and think back over the year like we do now. It’s something we ought to do. I’m sure you had your share of tough stretches last year, but you also had at least a few good things happen, right?

The good ones (the wins) deserve reliving. If you don’t, then the unpleasant things (the losses) overshadow them. But that requires intentionality or else you can feel pretty negative about the whole year (or season).

Yes, I’m making a sports analogy, but bear with me please. 

It’s Monday morning here and the Thanksgiving holiday is now behind us. To be honest I feel a bit of hangover from it all. But it’s the good kind. As one gets older holiday stretches with the family take on a sort of different feel. For a second they’re all here and it’s noisy and a bit crazy. Then they’re gone again.

The hangover I’m feeling is the kind that hits once everyone goes home. It leaves me a little misty-eyed. If there’s one thing that begins to hit you with time it’s the realization things are changing.

But what about Blackout Wednesday?

Blackout Wednesday? Yep. That’s what it has become known as, nationwide. The Wednesday before Thanksgiving. Annually has the highest total of the year for liquor sales. And sadly, also the highest fatality totals of the year for accidents involving drunk drivers. In fact, in 2022, Mothers Against Drunk Driving, said 35% of the year’s fatalities for drunk driving fatalities occur that day.

Blackout Wednesday. Dang. How many families’ Thanksgiving holidays this year will be shattered with losing a family member? Thousands. It’s not just sad, it’s horrific.

You know, I’m not against anyone having a drink, celebrating or having a good time. Finally getting to hang with family and friends ought to be nothing but fun. 

What will you do to escape that noise? How will you deal with it? You can’t shut down the local construction, but you can blame it for your own lack of peace, for ruining your day. You can.

For most of us, control is the goal. But the fact is there’s only so much you can control. Every day there’s plenty of stuff that will bother you—if you let it. And that noise in your head will literally drive you to drink, if it hasn’t already.

But there are better ways to deal with it.

Frankly, I love the changing of the seasons. Variety is awesome. But back to the summer heat thing. I don’t like it mainly because it makes me feel uncomfortable. Cold weather also can, but I can bundle up and be fine. 

It’s the heat I don’t like. Some like it hot, but not me. 

I think it’s simply because I don’t like discomfort. And there are several things that make me feel the heat of discomfort. Embarrassment, humiliation, change, regret—these all make me uncomfortable.

Sometimes you don’t know why a person would do a thing until you’re there. At least, not until you find yourself in that particular situation, doing something similar.

Sometimes I really struggle with that question. I often wonder why I ever put that on my website. Control is the goal. It’s right there on the homepage. 

But here's the thing...

Nobody likes to do work where you can’t see the results. Where you never know if anything is being accomplished. It’s the recipe for burnout and exhaustion. That kind of work leaves us frustrated and unfulfilled.

Lessons two teachers learned from pausing alcohol. Long-form interview with Dave Stuart, JR.

I don’t know about you but I don’t wake up everyday feeling all pumped up and excited. Thanks to the fact I hit pause on alcohol I do wake up feeling good most days, which was a much-needed improvement. But excited?

At times we can get pretty down on ourselves and our progress. It can really help to stop and think of the things you truly value and want to be known for. A good starting point is to list what you value in others. Reason being, the things you most want to be true of you, you will see in those you truly respect and admire.

While discussing what I do in the realm of habits and addiction, I recently told a friend I’d give him $5000 to give up pizza. He said although he likes pizza, of course he would take it—”Pay me!”. Then I asked, if I offered him $10,000 to agree to never drink alcohol again in any form, would he take it?

...So how experimental are you? Willing to test your assumptions about your drinking?

Alcohol is good…at what it does.

I think all of us who drink can agree on one thing: we believe alcohol is good. Right? It is good. I want to go on the record and say that.

Now to be clear, we don’t all agree that drinking a lot of alcohol is good, or that drinking it every day is good. Some may, but not all of us. For the most part, all of us who drink believe it’s good on some level, or else we wouldn’t drink it.

You know, there are moments in time where something happens or you experience something that changes everything. Something that hits home in a way that just flips the script. Then suddenly you see things differently. 

I spent a number of years at New York City working with guys coming out of addiction, homelessness, and incarceration. One of my roles working at the Bowery Mission Residential Center was managing volunteers who wanted to mentor, tutor, or do whatever they could to contribute to the guys’ process of recovery.

The most frequent questions they asked were like, “What do I say to these guys?” or “What should I talk about?”.

It’s incredibly helpful to ask the question nobody wants to ask. Maybe it’s the question you’ve been wrestling with yourself.